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I 







THE LIMERICK 

UP TO 
DATE BOOK 



ETHEL WATTS MUMFORD 
ADDISON M1ZNER 





THE 

LIMERICK 

UP TO 
DATE BOOK 1 

Composed and Collected by 

Ethel Watts Mumford 

Illustrated and Decorated by 

Ethel Watts Mumford and 

Addison Mizner 




San Francisco 
Published by Paul Elder and Company 

1903 



Ccpyrigb 1903 
by PAUL ELDKK 



The Tomoye* Press 

San Francisco 



Good Resolutions. 

John woke on Jan. first and felt queer ; 

Said, " Crackers I'll swear off this year ! 
For the lobster and wine 
And the rabbit were fine, 

And it certainly wasn't the beer." 



\ 



Enero 5 




Jan. 



Beware of Rash Judgments. 

A dame at the beaches of Florida, 
All the ladies said couldn't be horrider ; 

But she proved them all wrong, 

And she said, "Go along!" 
While the climate grew torrid and torrider. 



January 
Janvier 8 



3anuar 10 



Enero 12 

^iV.?.** 13 

Gennaio 14 ^^ 



& 




Flattery. 

Said the lady, " With you I'll not go, 
You're reported to be far from slow." 

Said he, turning red, 

With a smile quite o'erspread 
"O Madame, don't flatter me so!" 



Janvier 16 



3cmuar 18 



Gennaio 22 




MEMORANDA Uk 




Jan. 



Lavishness. 

There was a young lady named Julie, 
Who was terribly fond of patchouli; 
She used bottles seven, 
'Til she smelt up to heaven, 
Which made all the angels unruly. 



January 
Janvier ......... 24 

25 



3cmuar ......... 26 

&j[\ ($$\ ....... 27 

Enero 28 

^>^..?.~* ..... 29 

Gennaio ........ 30 

31 




The Wicked Punier. 

Said a sporty young person named Groat, 
Who owned an old race-horse of note, 

" I consider it smart 

To lunch a la cart, 
But the horse always takes table d'oat." 



February 

Fevrier 1 

in i >9z. 2 

5ebtuor 3 

a 4 



\ 



Febrero 5 

7 >f- r- 6 

Febbraio 7 




I 




Feb. 



The Church-Goer. 

There was a young man who said, "There, 
I will sneak out during this prayer!*' 

But the squeak of his shoes 

So enlivened the pews, 
That he sat down again in despair. 



February 
Fevrier 8 

*J1 9 

Sebruar 10 

(S) () 11 

Febrero 12 

7*-*: 13 

Febbraio 14 




Speak Kindly. 

She's so homely you'd think she would smother, 
And her back view is just like her brother. 

Her eyes are both bent, 

And her nose is a dent; 
But then, " she's so good to her mother! " 



February 
Fevrier 15 

16 
Sebruar 17 



18 
Febrero 19 

20 
Febbraio . .21 




Feb. 



Good Manners. 

There was a young person of Tottenhem, 
Whose manners, Good Lord ! she'd forgotten 
'em. 

When she went to the vicar's, 

She took off her knickers, 
Because she said she was hot in 'em. 



February 
Fevrier ......... 22 

>9 ......... 23 

5ebruar ........ 24 



Febrero 26 

-7+* ......... 27 

Febbraio ........ 28 




Appearances are Deceitful. 

There was a young lady of Skye, 
With a shape like a capital I ; 

She said, "It's too bad! 

But then I can pad,*' 
Which shows you that figures can lie. 




March 



Tad. 

There was a bright person named Biddle, 
Who asked everybody a riddle. 

When asked, "Can you tell 

The answer as well ? " 
He replied, " I begin in the middle." 



Mars 



March 

8 
9 

10 
....... 11 

Marzo ........ 12 

........ 13 

........ 14 




Sculpture. 

There was an old sculptor named Phidias, 
Whose knowledge of Art was invidious. 

He carved Aphrodite 

Without any nightie 
i Which Startled the purely fastidious. 



Marzo 19 




March 






Intemperance. 

There once was a baker named Dunn, 
Who always was out for the fun, 

And although it was said 

He was very well bred, 
He spent all his dough on a "bun"! 



March 
Mars 22 

^Z 23 

mars 24 

@/a\ /> 

Uc?ira Z.J 

Marzo 26 

27 

28 




The Careful Buyer. 

There was an old man of Madrid, 
Who went to an audion to bid; 

He bought, if you please, 

A case of old cheese- 
But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid! 




A Quiet Life. 

An Abbess whom all did admire, 
To holiness much did aspire. 

When asked to a ball, 

She replied, "Not at all; 
I've another engagement that's Prior." 




Gentleness. 

There was a fair maiden of Siam, 
Who said to her lover, " O Priam, 
You may kiss me, of course, 
But you've got to use force 
And, God knows, you are Stronger than I am! 1 



Abril 12 

13 

Aprile 14 

'A7ipt/Uo$ ........ 1 5 




April 



Exasperation. 

There was an old person named Sam, 
Who was wearied of Omar Khayyam. 
Fitzgerald, you know, 
Is the whole of the show; 
But this cult and this music, " Oh, d ! " 



Avril 

^1 

Hpril 

(g) 
Abril 
*tf 
Aprile 



April 

16 

17 

18 
........ 19 

20 

21 

22 

........ 23 




The Kind Beadle. 

There was an old lady of Threedle, 
Who sat down in church on a needle; 

Tho* deeply embedded, 

'Twas luckily threaded, 
And quickly pulled out by the beadle 



April 



Avril 




April 



Abril 28 

29 
Aprile 30 



Improper Language. 



There was a fair maid of Oshkosh, 

Who on Tuesday cried out, " Oh, by Gosh! 

For up on the roof 

There was ocular proof 
That some one had stolen the wash. 




Make the BeSt of Adverse 
Circumstances. 

There was a young person named Clyde, 
Who was once at a funeral espied. 

When asked who was dead, 

He smilingly said: 
" I don't know I jusT: came for the ride." 




Devotion. 




There once was a fellow moft kind, 
Who, when loving, went at it quite blind. 

He said, "That's all right, 

But she's so out of sight 
That I can't keep her out of my mind!" 



May 

Mai 15 

ft& 16 

mat 17 

Mayo 19 

-r* 20 



21 




Always Save for a Rainy Day. 

There was a young lady named Jane, 
Who went out to walk in the rain; 

Her skirts were so lacey 

It really was racey, 
And drove all the chappies insane. 



May 



]yjai 


.22 


R. 


23 


7 <! * 

mm 


24 




25 


TVTa vn 


. 26 


-> ^ 


27 


/ ' 


.28 




%! 

'-^fv'-**'^' 

. .;#&* 



Be Careful. 



There was a young man from the Cape, 
Who always wore trousers of crepe. 
When asked, "Do they tear?" 
He replied, "Here and there 
But they keep such a wonderful shape." 




Seize Opportunities. 

There was an old lady of Lee, 
Who invited the curate to tea. 
He said, "You quite shine 
In the housewifely line." 
"Oh, this is so sudden!** said she. 




June 



Seek After Knowledge. 

A man with the brain of a linnet 
Asked forty- two questions a minute. 

When they said, " Mind your biz!*' 

He said, " Envy it is, 
'Cause you know jusl how ri<flly I'm in it" 



June 



R*. 


9 


* + * ^ 

*Xl|Mt 


10 


JUIll 


1 1 


Tunin 


. ]2 


o ir"'^ y^t 


13 


f iiiiornr) 


14 


ToDX'/ocr . 


. IS 



Respedt for Age. 

There was an old beau of Formosa, 
Who ne'er was content with a "No,sah! 

The Strength of his arm 

Oft excited alarm, 
And his mottc was " closah and closah." 





Jumo 20 




June 



Uncertainty. 

A lady once had a bad habit: 

She couldn't see cheese but she'd nab it. 

She said, " Memory fails 

Is the rabbit from Wales? 
Or do the wails come from the rabbit? 1 



June 





A-T 
25 


3um 


*J 

26 


(B^ 


27 


Tnnin 


28 




29 




.30 



Retort Courteous. 



There was a young lady of Wilts, 
Who walked all through Scotland 

on stilts. 
When they said, " Oh, how 

shocking, 

To see so much stocking! 
She said, " How about you and 
your kilts?" 




July 



Generosity. 

There was a young lady of Venice, 
Who used hard-boiled eggs to play tennis. 

When they cried, " You are wrong ! " 

She replied, "Go along 
You don't know how prolific my hen is." 



July 





Q 


3ult 


. in 




11 


Tnlin 


12 


~}*'rt> t fi 


13 


/<*>* 
I .nalin . 


. 14 



Art. 

There was a fair dame whose manoeuvre 
Was to get her portrait in the Louvre ; 

But they sent it away 

The very firsT: day 
And it's now in a dive in Vaneouvre. 




**M_L 




J 



Comparisons are Odious. 



A talented artisT: (Ed Lanseer), 
Said, "Beau Brummel, I won't paint these 
pants here; 

I assure you, I can't see 

That they are so fancy 
Why, lasl week I saw a dog-fancier." 




Inspiration. 

An old person who lived by his pen, 
Cried, "Goody! I've got 'em again! 

A poem I'll write, 

'Bout the dawning of night, 
That will easily collar a ten!" 



July 



Juillet 




Popularity. 



A musician there was Paderewski 
Who never would drink nor would chewski; 

As a Matine6 blade, 

He made Hackett afraid, 
And quite broke the heart of John Drewski. 



Agosto 5 




Truth. 

There was a young lady named Maude, 
Who said she was "awfully boahed," 

For all men she hated, 

Both single and mated 
But in the dark corners Good Lawd I 




A Good Girl. 

Eliza she never was nifty, 

She was kindly and gentle and thrifty; 
She gave poor people pies, 
And she never made eyes 

But then she was seven and fifty! 



August 



Aout 



fluguft 



Agosto 



19 



20 

?? tf >J 21 

Agofto 22 

AtiyoixTTos 23 



Do Not be Persistent. 

There once was a promising hound, 
The fleetest that ever was found; 
But his friends all declare, 
That when chasing the hare, 
He was running things into the ground. 



Augusl 



Aout 



fluguft 
ti 



Agost( 



* 




Never Swear. 



A kindly old person named Tom, 
Manufactured a dynamite bomb. 

One day in annoy, 

He cast it at a boy, 
Saying, "Gracious! I nearly said Domn! 




Self-Sufficiency. 

There was a young damsel named Nell, 
Who considered herself quite a belle. 

She sat on the sand, 

And held her own hand, 
And never got on to the swell. 



Septembre . . . . 



September 10 



Setiembre 12 



Settembre 14 




Sept. 



The Young Nimrod. 

Young Henry went out for to shoot, 
With a gun and a high rubber boot; 

He shot an old goat, 

A guide and a shoat 
But he's best when he's shooting the chute. 



September 
Septembre 15 

J3& 16 

September 17 

(g) (|| 18 

Setiembre- ..... 19 

*?/< 20 

Settembre 21 

22 




There was an old man of Tarrentum, 
Who sat on his false teeth and bent 'urn 
When asked what he'd losl, 
And what they had cosl, 
He replied, " I don't know, I jusl rent 'um. 



September 
Septembre 



Setiembre 27 

28 
Settembre 




Od. 



Society. 

There was a fair charmer named Jones, 
And the lions from various zones 

At her house came and roared 

In a beautiful chord, 
As she fed them elaborate bones. 



Odtober 



#* 


2 


(DftoBer 


3 


(f) 


4 


Octtihre 


5 


^^j^j- . 


A 


Ottokrfi 


7 



At a Cursory Glance. 

A curate once smote at a tee, 
And threw his new club up a tree, 

Saying, " Fie ! ! My ! ! Oh, dear ! ! ! 

I musl give up, I fear, 
Either golf or the miniftree!" 



Octobre ........ 8 



!tobcr ........ 10 



Ottobre ........ 14 




High Ideals. 

There was a young man who said, " Oh, 
Why, lucre's so filthy and low ! 

But his friends said, "Oh, shoo! 

That's too good to be true 
You can bet that he's after the dough!" 



Odober 
Octobre 16 

17 

!tober 18 

(f)@ 19 

Octubre 20 

-?f^. 21 

Ottobre 22 

23 



1 




Compensation. 

There was a fair girl named Elaine, 
Who, one March day, went out 

dressed en train; 
The wind tried to be rude, 
But her costume was glued 
*Tis better sometimes to be vain. 



October 

Octobre 24 

25 

ftober 26 

27 

Octubre 28 

29 
Ottobre 30 

31 




Nov. 



The Lovers. 

A lover in China, named Kin, 
Sang soft serenades with great din; 

With his eye to a crack 

In the wall at the back 
And they said, "Tis the lute of Peek-in! 



November 





2 


TToneTttBM* . 


3 


dh$& 


4 


\^/ \jt/ 
Noviembre 


5 


9fJ|r-*J.^r 


6 




7 



Don't Be a Rounder. 

There was a fair maid named O'Neil, 
Who went up in the great Ferris Wheel; 
On the thirty-fourth round 
She looked down at the ground 
And it cos! her an 80-cent meal. 



Novembre 8 



Novembre 14 




Nov. 



Hospitality. 

A tenderfoot out in the Weft 
Said, "Afternoon tea's such a re! 
So they knocked off his hat 
As they punched his nose flat, 
And shot all the checks off his ve. 



November 
Novembre 15 

Jj-t i6 

tlot>ember 17 

(f) 18 

Noviembre 19 

w*~>*& 20 

Novembre 21 

22 




Perseverance. 

There was an old person named Tate 
Who out fishing went early and late. 

When the fish gave a tug, 

Then he pulled on the jug, 
And the thing that he caught was a skate. 




Dec. 



Modey. 

There once was a sensitive bride, 
Who ran when the groom she espied. 

When they put on her veil 

She set up a wail, 
And when the priest blessed her, she cried. 



Decembre ....... 1 



Diciembre 5 



Dicembre ........ 7 





Know Your True Worth. 

Said a Roofer, "I'd have you all know 
I am nearly the whole of the show; 

Why, the Sun every morn 

Gets up with the dawn 
For the purpose of hearing me crow!'* 



Decembre 8 




D 



A Good Reason. 

There was a young man of Fort Blainey, 
Who proposed to a typist named Janey; 

When his friends cried, "Oh, dear! 

She's so old and so queer!" 
He replied, " But the day was so rainy ! " 



December 
Decembre 15 

M2. + 16 

-17 

18 
Diciembre 19 

-7 ^c ^ A- 20 

Dicembre 21 




Recklessness. 

Sir Guy was an amorous knight, 
Who coumed himself in a tight 

It was taking a chance 

To go without pants, 
In case the mosquitoes should bite. 




Decembre ....... 22 



Diciembre ...... 26 



Dicembre ........ 28 




MEMORANDA 




Dec. 



Thrift. 

There was a good dame of Cape Horn, 
Whose clothing was tattered and torn. 
She remarked, debonnaire, 
As she pinned up her hair: 
" Three bargains I purchased this morn/* 



December 
Decembre 29 

M ~ + 30 

31 



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